Writerly angst ~ or ~ Brainweasels Are Forever

[foxinthestars]

Why is it that as a writer, and particularly a fanfic writer, there are important things that I just never seem to learn, or else am constantly forgetting?

Why is it that if the canon "changes" somehow from my viewpoint, I still feel it in my gut like the ground moved underneath me, when I've been here and done this and I ought to know you have to just hit a point like "I'm working from XYZ and ignoring the rest; gotta problem with that!??"

Why do I get so scared between changing too much and not changing enough?

Why do I get so scared that I'm going to mischaracterize someone, and simultaneously scared that I'm overidealizing them as a favorite or smothering my work with straight laces, and that I'm going to piss someone off by making a character look bad or have plots including unvirtuous screwups and such?

In short, why am I always scared that I'm doing it wrong? (Including sometimes the fear that I do it wrong by not doing it wrong enough.)

Comments

[quicksilver_ink]

Canon compliance angst: the eternal fanfic writer problem.

If it helps any, I'm a horrible slave to canon timelines, and I just cannot ever let myself deviate from it, because if I do, eldrich abominations will be unleashed and the WORLD WILL END or something.

[foxinthestars]

And I on the other hand always seem to go A/U to one extent or another, but as noted I'm not immune to fears that I'm Doing It Wrong.

I think part of my trouble is, like, I'm a perfectionist, and I hate competition because I'm naturally competitive; there's this creeping fear that gets to me if I can't make a case to myself that I am Objectively Correct or The One Best Thing, which will drive you crazy in any domain, but perhaps faster than usual with fanfic...