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[personal profile] foxinthestars
Last night we had hail and were in a tornado watch area.

I also think my anxiety symptoms have been flaring up lately.

My anxiety tends to fixate on certain things. Heart attacks and car accidents are big ones (that was my previous clue that it's been flaring up: lately I'm more inhibited about driving, particularly to places I haven't gone before), but noisy weather also qualifies. The sound of wind or hard rain or hail beating on the house will freak me out, especially at night.

So last night I was hearing the wind and hail and went into "what if it's a killer tornado" mode. I hadn't been watching* and about 1 or 1:30 am I finally gave in, got out of bed, checked it --- and saw "3 DEAD AS TORNADOES STRIKE MIDWEST; YOU ARE IN A TORNADO WATCH UNTIL 4 AM."

Heart pounding, I grabbed a few things and went down to the church basement (I live in a mobile home, but we're next to my childhood church and have the key), where I found some throw pillows and using them and the sleeping bag I keep in my car for emergencies, I curled up in a corner, freaked out (including a heart attack scare) until I took some Xanax, and eventually fell asleep and woke up about 5:30 am and came back home.

On the one hand, yeah, the sheer panic I experienced makes me think my anxiety is getting worse, but at the same time, there was an element of fun in the adventure and I don't think I handled it all that badly. Going to the basement wasn't unreasonable (since the alternative was probably "go back to sleep and not know if things get worse"), I showed decent resourcefulness and judgment, and a lot of my self-talk wasn't bad (like, not shooting for absolute safety just reasonable precaution; heart attack is unlikely, I've felt all this before and it was just nerves and in this situation they would be the most likely culprit; 3 deaths in "the Midwest" is one shitty lottery but it does have very long odds, etc.)

So, that was my adventure? I'm not as wiped out today from the sleep disturbance as I expected, either. But like, yeah, "I didn't do so bad" blended with "dang this anxiety thing is a pain in the ass."

*Lately I cannot get to work with Firefox. I thought it was NoScript, but no matter how much stuff I allow, it still doesn't work, so I have to go out of my way to open it in Chrome.


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