Some groups don't click.

[foxinthestars]

First, updates:

Once Upon a Fic nominations are open! (DW/LJ)

My doujinshi order did go through; Tenso has it right now, I just need to have them ship it to me.

And I haven't gotten any more done on the doll this week. I was too busy with a writing project that I want to get to a beta-able state.

Speaking of writing, I might have mentioned before I have a RL writers group that I go to (first Wednesday of every month). It's pretty laid-back, and it just clicks for me. Like, it feels supportive, but I have plenty of room to grow, face my fears, get comfortable with the process, learn from and learn to appreciate the other participants, all that. Well, there's another writers group in The City (called a "novelists group" but not restricted to that in practice). Back in November they had a bunch of write-ins for NaNo, and I went to several of them. I enjoyed the write-ins, but somehow I felt more guarded about the group dynamic in general. In December I didn't go to any of their meetings (ironically because I was busy writing, for Yuletide). But, despite the guarded feelings, I felt like I should give them more of a chance, so this past week, for the first time, I went to one of their critiques. I'd told myself I didn't have to submit any work the first time while I was feeling them out, although I did have something ready to read if opportunity arose and it felt right.

Well, it didn't feel right.

I found the tone of the critique kind of harsh, I guess, but more than harshness, well, the group has a founder/leader who really sets the tone. I give her props for the work she's doing with it, and she is very knowledgeable (more than me in some areas), but she has this authoritative demeanor that really rubbed me the wrong way. Very quickly I felt intensely defensive about the idea of presenting my stuff. The other participants seemed be happy and find it helpful, but I think my major front for growth is learning to trust what I do and what I like in all its fanfic-and-craziness-writing glory and embrace the vulnerability of letting people see it. I feel like I can move in that direction with the other group, but not this one. It's just a bad fit for me right now.

On a happier note, I've been exercising lately, and after using a gentle exercise video to build a little confidence, the result was predictable. Yes, I'm back playing DDR! (Well, StepMania technically, but it's functionally identical.) It's been so long I'm having to start over again from Difficulty 1, but it's as fun as ever.

Comments

[smurasaki]

Writing groups are tricky beasts. (Also creative writing classes.) I've never had much luck with them, unfortunately. You should definitely stick with the group that you feel good about and not be part of one that doesn't feel right.

[foxinthestars]

Yeah, I think they can very easily do more harm than good. (If someone for some reason asked me for advice on becoming a writer, I hope I would remember to say "DON'T major in it in college" --- I only had one creative writing course but it was enough.) I do kind of question myself, because I know reaching out is important, but I guess I should feel lucky to have found one good one for me.

And I remember overhearing on Amarie's blog recently about your brief experience with a romance writer's group? Damn.

I think the RL ones are teaching me an appreciation of fandom as a writing community/literary tradition that I didn't have without the point of contrast, too.

[smurasaki]

Yeah, that group was something else. In some ways it was the worst group I ever dealt with (however briefly), but in other ways it wasn't, simply because it was so bad I never went back. I've been part of - for longer than one horrifying session - four other writing groups and had three creative writing classes. Sadly, the best I can say for any of them is "mostly harmless."

I'm not sure I gained anything from any of them, except a lot of self-doubt. :\

I'm really glad you've found a group that's supportive and fanfic friendly. I only wish I could join it. It would be so nice to actually have a good writing group. (Though just knowing they exist is something.)

But, yeah, fandom is making me feel a little better about sharing my writing again. And it's a reminder that - contrary to the classes and groups - there are other people out there who like the kind of stuff I like.

[foxinthestars]

Looking back on it, I don't think my one creative writing course really hurt me, although it seems like there was this whole "respectability"-norm-enforcement thing going on, something that could easily leave someone with a lot of destructive self-doubt.

(That was also the class that made me read Vonnegut, that misogynistic, sci-fi-abusing hack... It was "Welcome to the Monkey House," too --- herofication of rape, wheeee! The worst part is that that was before my feminist awakening, so I didn't even realize at the time what was being put over on me.)

And yeah, with fandom, it's like... Thinking of the thing I'm writing now, sometimes I'm like "this story is totally insane," but then, in fandom I think this kind of thing is actually normal and supported --- and when you look around at the stories people in general really like (and that make tons of money), I think it's fandom that's on the right track, and the other side is full of bullsh*t respectability-norm-enforcement.

I've also felt more engaged with fandom lately from getting involved in exchanges. I'll have to try to find a balance with them, but maybe they can be a different kind of "writing group" experience?

[smurasaki]

(Ugh, Vonnegut. I read one of his books and went away with the impression that he was very, very angry and hated people. I see that barely touched on the problems with his work. (Not that there aren't reasons to be very, very angry or even to hate humanity as a whole, but it all seemed so formless and non-specific.))

Even if fandom isn't exactly a writing group, it seems like there's plenty of discussion of writing and storytelling in it. (At least in the corners of fandom I hang out in.) And it really feels good to hear other people saying that grim dark stories aren't the only ones with value and to see that other people think that one can have characters who try to be decent people, that it's okay to write escapist stories, etc. That lots of different kinds of stories have value and woo! stories! and all that.

[foxinthestars]

Yeah, like that! Like, grimdark isn't the only valid thing, but no matter how dark you get, there will be someone who's into it! And all the sex-positivity, and everything! "Lots of different kinds of stories have value" --- yes!!