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I haven't been afraid lately...
Dec. 29th, 2009 11:37 pm(Not CV actually.)
I just realised that for some time now, I haven't been afraid of having a heart attack.
For a healthy (if obese) thirty-year-old, that might sound weird. There's no reason I should have expected one. But while I was living with my ex, I ended up taking a ton of Effexor for Depression and more importantly panic attacks. Depression is an important thing to address of course, but the panic attacks were just "shoot all functioning to hell" stuff. The first time I had one I actually did end up in the emergency room thinking it was a heart attack; by the time I got there I had hyperventilated to the point that my hands were seizing up. Scary.
And the medicine did take away the "shoot all functioning to hell" edge, but not all of the fear ever went away, and I never fully trusted my cardiovascular system again for years. Any time I got winded, I was afraid I was going to die.
While still living there, I tried going off the Effexor once, and the panic symptoms came back. After moving back here, I tried going off them again, and well, I still get small-d depressed over life situation issues and stuff, but... No panic attacks.
I guess I knew something was wrong with all of that... When it ended I basically let her claim all the pain and umbrage, but... Yeah.
I just realised that for some time now, I haven't been afraid of having a heart attack.
For a healthy (if obese) thirty-year-old, that might sound weird. There's no reason I should have expected one. But while I was living with my ex, I ended up taking a ton of Effexor for Depression and more importantly panic attacks. Depression is an important thing to address of course, but the panic attacks were just "shoot all functioning to hell" stuff. The first time I had one I actually did end up in the emergency room thinking it was a heart attack; by the time I got there I had hyperventilated to the point that my hands were seizing up. Scary.
And the medicine did take away the "shoot all functioning to hell" edge, but not all of the fear ever went away, and I never fully trusted my cardiovascular system again for years. Any time I got winded, I was afraid I was going to die.
While still living there, I tried going off the Effexor once, and the panic symptoms came back. After moving back here, I tried going off them again, and well, I still get small-d depressed over life situation issues and stuff, but... No panic attacks.
I guess I knew something was wrong with all of that... When it ended I basically let her claim all the pain and umbrage, but... Yeah.
